Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Post Intense Enlightenment Syndrome (PIES)

Disclaimer: I am brand new at this. Some kinds of art took centuries for people to appreciate. With that in mind, the following is impressionistic coherence and organization. 
      So it begins. Welcome to the psychotropic labyrinth that is my cranium. At this time I invite you (if anyone is indeed reading this and intends to continue doing so regularly) to become familiar with the particular breed of deliciously frustrating nonsense that you are about to be exposed to. Because, dear reader, deliciously frustrating nonsense built a wonderfully comfy nest in my frontal lobe the very moment it became official that I even had a frontal lobe. And it has been living there happily for over sixteen years. It is not going anywhere. My very first post/the beginning of this crazy idea is about something I've decided to call PIES, or Post Intense Enlightenment Syndrome.
        A few days ago, I came back from the most spiritually intense/enlightening/beautiful/happy/ILikeUsingSlashesALot/crazy/amazing experiences of my life. This experience was QUUest camp, a weeklong Unitarian Universalist leadership camp that happens in Colorado anually. Dear QUUest-Prepare to get exalteded (definitely a word). There's really no words I could use that would work to explain how unbelievable it was, but I'm going to give in-a-nutshell-ing a shot here.
       Over the week, I meditated into the fourth world of my mind, Found out that my true form is a trippy cross between a ball of multicolored molten glass and a strobe light (Say no to drugs, kids. And open guided meditation, apparently ). I learned how to fool my body into releasing insane animal emotions by simply breathing. I found my self a few times, had multiple epiphanies, went insane (literally, but briefly), high fived and hugged suspended 40 feet in the air. I wrote a cooperative song about squirrels and equality, danced until sweat burned my eyes, rediscovered and reconnected with my body, (get your mind out of the gutter. Catharsis, not home-alone-and-bored-at-the-age-of-ten. Jesus, people). I Killed white walkers, Laughed hysterically, Sang myself nearly to tears, Walked in space. I forged friendships far deeper than I thought possible, got scared out of my mind, participated in an actually successful rain dance, ate too much, felt like exploding with happiness, grew a mustache...And a novel of other amazing things. The Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day and whatnot. Anyway, I could go on forever. But the long and short of it is that my life was changed for the better.
      You are probably thinking "Okay, so where's the part where they all had to make a blood offering to Lord Funkenfoodle and drink goat's bile from the skull of a virgin?". Keep your shirt on. That's next.

Just kidding.

   I'm not part of a cult. Yeah yeah, "Unitarian Universalism IS a cult, you cult follower. You're a creepy freak cult follower (1). And you're a gay hippie tranny(2). And I did things with your mom(3)." Let's talk about that for a second. To the individual who is thinking about clumsily misspelling the above thoughts into a comment or an email (anywhere on the internet, not just here) I would like to say some helpful things, because I'm just nice like that.


  1. Call it what you will. Cult is a fun word for religion sometimes. Both things have a very bad reputation and are a little weird. I will occasionally make reference to my UUism on this blog, like right now.  I'm saying these things now so its not all awkward when you find out later. If you're a UU who doesn't like my kind of UUism or how I talk about it, and feels the need to say mean things , I invite you to review the seven principles, homefry. If you're not a UU but you are part of a religion that feels I'm on the road to a fiery or unpleasant afterlife as a result of my beliefs, That's okay, just keep it to yourself because it's not nice. To you I say this: I love you anyway and I hope things work out. If you give no shits about what other people believe as long as they leave you alone, Yay! Welcome to the club. If you happen to be disappointed that someone so incredibly awesome would go to church, I have some suggestions. You can keep feeling that way, you're entitled to your opinion. OR you can wikipedia "Unitarian Universalist" and make a decision after some research.OR If you're curious, you can ask me about it, but everyone's version is different.  OR you could go to a UU church sometime and see for yourself. UU's love to feel like people know they exist. And who knows, you might like it. Lots of them also love to talk about themselves *ahem*, so that's another great way to learn more about them. Lastly, many UU's love feeling like they are being really good people, so if you really want to give a UU a I'mAwesomeAndTheWorldIsFabulousGasm, tell them how being religious is dumb. They will Universal Love the shit out of you.  What I'm really trying to say here is open your mind and don't be a troll. Because you will fail.
  2. Homosexuals, Hippies, and those who do not fit the gender binary are, by definition, welcome. Here on this blog, in my life, in my church,etc. Thus I won't be offended if you call me a gay homo hippie fag manwoman. In fact...thanks!
  3. My mom is a pretty rad lady. Think yourself lucky.
Allright. Now that that's out of the way...

     The experience I had at QUUest was incredible, and I believe that as a result, I have stepped into the next level of my spiritual journey. And my brain expanded, as did my heart. My capacity for listening and loving and feeling has blown through the roof. I'd like to talk about the exact moment the shingles started tentatively falling off.
    There was a person at camp that I had noticed the first day and not talked to. Actually there were lots of people like that. I'm a little shy sometimes. Anyway, embarrassingly enough, the first thing I noticed about this person was not a deep or insightful in the slightest. It was very superficial. I noticed that the person was probably about a foot taller than me an that their hair was the same color as my sister's. All I thought at the time was "huh". I then proceeded to notice other stupid things about other people, like beards and glasses and large feet. The following evening, as I meandered contentedly about in a roomful of other exited, sleep- deprived teenagers who's collective sound was slightly oppressive and who's collective smell was indisputably so, I somehow ended up speaking with person-who-is-very-tall-and-has-hair-the-same-color-as-my-sister. (Dear said person: If you are reading this, I apologize for not remembering how we ended up speaking, because I feel like it might be worth remembering. I attribute this loss of memory to the truly awesome conversation that followed). Little did I know that, paraphrasing the words person-who-is-very-tall-and-has-hair-the-same-color-as-my-sister used later on, my cortex was about to "Blow a fuse and start glowing". In interest of being respectful, because I certainly I owe it to Person-who-is-very-tall-and-has-hair-the-same-color-as-my-sister to be at least respectful if not reverent, he will henceforth be known as Mr. Ace (Dear Person:You're welcome. Lots of thought went into that one.) I won't write a summary of the exact content of the conversation between Mr.Ace and I because 1) It was a long and intense one and 2)I want to keep Mr. Ace's brilliant intellectual property safe. I'm the one putting my brain on the internet, not him. The jist of it is this: First, Mr. Ace enlightened me to quantum universe theory. This part of the conversation brought me into a state of manic peace that I have not yet escaped. The second part of the conversation consisted of Mr. Ace's own original theory that had to do with how incredible the number Pi is. This part really did it. My path for the rest of QUUest and how I would experience it was made at exactly this moment. Because my mind had been primed for things it was not used to. For those of you who have read "The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy" (Maybe it's in "Restaurant at the End of The Universe", not sure), Imagine the part about what happens when infinity is revealed to you, and then imagine it doesn't completely fry your brain. This is what Mr.Ace caused to happen.  I could not stop thinking about it. Needless to say, Mr. Ace and I became fast friends. This level of intensity remained the norm for most of the things I experienced during the week. Dear Mr. Ace- Just in case it didn't sink in the first time, you're one of my favorite people ever.
      So now I'd like to explain PIES. It stands for Post Intense Enlightenment Syndrome. I don't know whether it will last, but it seems as though my experience/ taste of enlightenment last week has left me in a state of impenetrable depth, perpetual metaphor, obsession with the metaphysical, and most prominently, an uncontrollable urge to compassionately bring others along for the ride. So, today, I'd like to end by sharing one of the many conclusions I came to during this amazing time. Maybe this will become a "thing" on this blog-ending with an inspirational concept. Let me know if that sounds good to you all.
     I just think it's awesome that one person was able to contribute so significantly to what I now consider something of a vision quest/spirit journey/fork in the road. And along that same vein, how valuable talking to other humans is. We spend a lot of time worrying about ourselves and what people think of us, and being terrified that we're not good enough, but the simple gesture of listening to what someone has to say is so empowering for both parties. The world is full of kingmakers. And  I think now that being the person who inspires someone else to do/experience something amazing is just as valuable as being the inspired one. I've often beat myself up about not being a "leader" type or not contributing enough to society, but I'm reminding myself now about all the times someone has told me that I inspired them or brightened their day or helped them out of a rut. So, dear reader, whoever you are, I'd like to plant the idea that you don't have to be at the podium or on the ballot to be worthy of love and acceptance. Without us kingmakers, the kings don't exist. You are powerful, and you are worth it. Trust me. I have no credentials. And I don't follow my own advice.

      Yikes. That wasn't so reassuring.
 
       I hope, however, that even if I'm not exactly Lao Tzu, I've turned on some lights or dusted off some lamps or opened up some old boxes in your psyche.  Because that kind of thing is so refreshing. And with that, I believe we've reached a good resting point in the folds of my rapidly spinning mind.

I leave you today with a picture of Spock holding a kitty:



   

Go forth and be wonderful.